Jessica was in bed by 8 PM and sound asleep by 9:30 PM.  She was up and ready to start the day at 8:30 AM this morning.  Her mood is very happy with a touch of hyper.  She is playing nicely with James.   She is eating good still.  James is eating us out of house and home lately too! 

Jessica went to bed at 8 PM and was sleeping by 9 PM.  Kids hit the floor running by 7:30 AM today.  Jessica ate another good breakfast and I am so happy my girl is eating again.  She mostly just wants to play by herself either DSI or Littlest Pet Shop.  Not much into wanting to socialize with anyone.  Says she is happy though.  Guess I'm just not used to the quiet. 

James is hyper but busy with PS3 and the two of us played a couple games of bowling on the Wii.  So far no real fights today.  James seems to be OK with leaving Jessica alone. (for now) 

Survived another weekend.  Jessica got home at 8 PM last night.  Sounds like she had a fabulous weekend.  Auntie says she was an angel all weekend.  Got Jess in bed by 9 PM after she filled us in on all the details of her weekend.  It was nice to have the hyper from just excitement over having such a great weekend.  She didn't get to sleep till after 10:30 PM.  She woke up at 6 AM.  Mommy is feeling a bit tired this morning.

The kids are back at it this AM.  James is bugging sis for some attention.  Jess just wants to watch TV.

Jessica was sent to bed at 8 PM and was sound asleep by 11 PM.  She got up at 7 AM when brother woke us all up.  Been a quiet time for us here.  James goes back and forth from hyper to mellow.  Jessica has been playing with Littlest Pet Shops and James.  Grandma called and we may go swimming today.  I haven't told the kids due to the flakiness of Grandma.  Daddy will be home after bedtime tonight so I'm on my own all day. 

Daddy just got word that his job of many years is coming to an end Oct. 1st.  They are shutting the doors. :(

Jessica got her appetite back today!! 

Jessica was sent to bed at 8 PM but refused to settle down until 11:30 PM.  She is having a hard time getting to sleep.  She's still up several times a night to use the restroom.  Not sure how long it's taking to get back to sleep.  She was up by 7 AM today.  We surprised Jessica with a trip to the beach with her Auntie and cousins.  She will be back sometime Sunday!  Hope she is having a blast!!

James is on over drive hyper today and Daddy is having a hard time with it.  We have a trip to the local bowling ally tonight at 6 and James will be up a little later then normal.  Praying it goes well with him.  Meeting up with some family and friends. 

Jessica did not go to bed until after 11:30 PM and was woke up at 6 AM. I think she may have been anxious to spend a half day at Daddy's work. 

A trip to the Zoo cut short

We went to the Zoo today.  It started out as both kids having a good time.  James was being a little hyper and not wanting to listen to Mommy.  (pulling on Jessica's shirt, trying to pull away from me, trying to run off.)  Other then that things were going well.  We stopped at the sand box after having some lunch.  James was throwing sand on the other kids in the sand box.  I took him aside and told him that if he didn't stop throwing sand we would not play in the sand anymore.  He still threw more sand.  I took him out to give him a time out.  He stayed out.  I let him back in and he right away started to throw the sand again.  I then pulled him out again and tried to leave the area.  He was throwing a temper tantrum.  I tried to divert him back into seeing other animals and the tantrum continued.  I then proceeded to walk him to the gates to leave.  He punched me with his free hand, tried to bite me, kick me.  All the way screaming at me.  Got him to the car and I could not buckle him with his arms and legs trying to kick and hit me in the face.  It took 20 min in the car to calm him down.  Once we got home he wanted milk and fell asleep for an almost 2 hours.  He hasn't had a nap in almost a month. 

Jessica did a lot better today.  She had more happy hours today then she has in a while.  She handled James with kindness and love.  She would point out where the animals were hidden.  It was like having my little girl back. 

Day 2 Zoloft

Day 2 of Zoloft.  I think Jessica is very depressed she does very little.  She sits and plays with her Littlest Pet Shop toys.  (really just lining them up with a Mom, Dad and kid)  She is more bothered by noise today and yesterday.  I could tell at times this morning that brothers screech was getting to her.  She was fighting herself to not get mad and react to him.  I have been asking her to tell me her moods about once an hour.  Mostly sad and sometimes she is mad.  I miss my happy girl.  Hate to say it but I miss the hyper.  She's happy when she is hyper.

James is hyper today.  He can't seem to get interested in anything.  I think I am going to try a park today after lunch and see how it goes.

I didn't write much yesterday.  Aug 18th.  I was to tired.  So today Aug. 19th I tell you about yesterday.  After lunch I decided to take the kids to the Zoo instead of the park.  Driving down the Hwy at 60 MPH James got out of his seat belt on 3 occasions.  Mind you this is only maybe a 15 min drive.  Each time I pulled over and strapped him back in.  He just laughed at me and continued to get out.  After almost an hour of looking for a parking spot with no luck, I received a call from hubby to pick him up in 3 hours.  So back on the Hwy for another trip of constant screeching and getting out of his car seat.  I stopped at our local Babies R Us to find something to keep him from being able to get out of his buckle.  No luck.  We played in the car for an hour waiting for hubby to get done with work. We got back home and I took  a very well needed nap.  Hubby took the kids to the school to play.  Says all went well.  Put the kids to bed at 8 PM.  James was fast to sleep and didn't get back up until 6 AM this morning.

Jessica spent all her time in the car yesterday playing with her DSI.  She went from happy and sad most the day.  She doesn't know why or what makes her happy and sad.  I am trying to figure that out.  Put her to bed at normal bedtime at 8 PM and she didn't fall asleep until around 10 PM.  She is still up 3-4 times using the rest room at night.  She got up a little before 8 AM today.  I am trying to get a better look into her sleep patterns to make sure the PDoc has the correct info.  Looking back I see a pattern of her rages at about every 3 months and lasting from about 2-3 weeks. 

Day 1 of new med and change over from xr to non-xr

Day one for Jessica to be on her Zoloft 25mg.  That amount will go up after 30 days.  She also had to change from her Adderall 10mg xr tabs to the Adderall 10mg non-xr.  So far things are OK this morning for her.  Although she is playing at the computer right now I can see that her focus in not all there.  Will be interesting to see how she does at school in a few weeks.  I hope to have all the insurance bumps smoothed out and have her back on the extended release.  I have to say I am still very worried about the two meds together. 

James is unusually quiet today.  He is playing a PS3 game and just kinda keeping to himself.  We are off to go to his Early Intervention appointment!!  I am so hoping this will give him some help for his speech and behavior issues.



It's 4:30 PM now and Jess has been so sad.  About every hour I ask her to tell me what mood she is.  It's been ranging from sad to mad.  I think her mad was really just moments of frustration at times.  She would be focusing on something IE computer or DSI and get frustrated with the game.  She did have  a few times about 2 PM that she really was mad at little brother.  He had hit her with a toy. 

James was calm for the better part of the day but had a few flare ups this afternoon.  He tested for Early Intervention today.  His large motor skills are great but small motor skills are lacking.  His speech is not where it should be.  2nd half of the test isn't until Sept. 14th.

It's 6:30 PM now and I waited till after our evening meal to add that Jessica's appetite has decreased a lot.  I don't think if you added up what she did eat today that you could count it as one meal. 

Full throttle up

It's your full throttle up kind of day. James has been in full gear today. His screeching scream is as loud as ever. He can't seem to stay on one thing more then 2 seconds. He is picking fights with big sister all day. Anything he has in his power to try and get at her. Over all she is handling it well. James has pooed his pants 3 times today. I wonder how it is he can poop his pants while running. I never know when he is doing it. Is he running off his energy or pooping? It's another hot day out today. Planning to let the kids play in the sprinkler after lunch. I hope this helps James get some energy out. Kids played in the sprinkler today but James is no more less wound. He will not listen and time outs are not working. I can't keep up with him. At the present time he is jumping off the back of the couch. The kid has no fear and the word no is not in his vocabulary.

I did find a pair of tweezers under her pillow. I chose to just take them out and hide them with the rest of them in our locked bedroom, without talking to her about it. I'm confused at how she got them this time. We have been keeping them in our room and the door locked. Does she get up at night? Could she come into our bathroom and us not hear her? Since her prescribing doctor says that the factor missing for her is the sleep patterns we are trying to keep better tabs on how she is sleeping. Well I have been. My hubby has slept like the dead for all of our married years. Even when the kids were babies, it was me that got up in the night for them. I know that I go into a very deep sleep sometime after 3 AM until about 6 AM. Hubby is up at 4 AM and off to work. Some days I never hear his alarm or him getting ready for work. She is argumentative today, much more then then usual.

Got a call late this afternoon- James's appointment for Early Intervention was moved from Sept 2ND to tomorrow!! I hope he qualifies so he can start this fall.

Confusion and a bad gut feeling. Other then that a good weekend.

I am confused at why the prescribing doctor kept the Adderall at the same dose and added the anti-depressant. Why am I confused? I see online that this is not a good combo. Please if you know anything about this could you please message me. I am very worried. I don't want the depression worse for my child. Oh how I wish I could make my little girl better.

It's been a pretty calm weekend with the kids. Sure they had their fights. As we stepped in only when we needed to. Holding our breath waiting to see if this is the fight that turns things upside down. It was great to see them work things through.

My husbands Mom was here today. We made a big breakfast and enjoyed some time out on the back porch. The house is clean and it feels good to have a day of a normal life. I will take it!!

The creative mood for a day.

Jessica has found peace in coloring and creating pictures today. James is building with laundry baskets and creating his own forts. For the most part it has been a calmer day. Jessica gets to go swimming with Grandma again today. James gets to go to the park next week with Grandma, Great Grandma, and my Cousins 5 year old son.

Dealing with DHS to get the kids on the Healthy Kids plan has caused a lot of stress today. It's now 5 PM and they haven't called back. Hope next week brings some news.

Got a hold of the prescribing doctor for Jessica's meds and got her to change it over to the non-time released form. (cheaper) and she added a new one of Zoloft to help her with depression. I hope that this will help.

Also got the Appointment made for James for Early Intervention. Sept!! I am in hopes that he can go this route to help him with his speech and social skills. All together I can say it was a good day and we are moving in a good direction.

A play date with the cousins and a trip to Costco

Observation of Jessica today. Her fits of anger were shorter and only lasting 10 minuets to 45 minutes the longest of today. She was very sad like the rest of today. She was looking forward to spending some time with her cousins but once we picked the kids up she was sad. Sad enough that both cousins asked me why Jessica was so sad.

We picked the kids up from our local High School. My nephew had football practice and Auntie and Uncle had to work. So I was to pick the kids up. My nephew had called the night before and asked if I would bring him over for a play date with Jessica. I picked them up and brought them over. We all chose to hang out in the front yard until my husband got home. That was a fun filled time with Jessica and my niece hanging out on the front porch while James continued to run down the street. my nephew being all boy climbing our tree. :)

Costco was a pain. With Jessica and nephew running between the isles. James not happy in the cart and wanting to run with his cousin and sister. His high pitch attention getting scream. He wouldn't sit still while we all tried to eat our hot dogs. James was absolutely wild and would not obey anything. Not even sure how to put into words what all three kids were like. My nephew, Jessica and James were all on a wild trip in Costco.

Lazy Summer day here at home.

Just another day at home. Many ask why we spend so much time at home. We stay home because it's so hard to go out. A park? Well you can't take your eyes off James and you have to stay within grabbing reach of him. You see, James gets bored at the park very quickly and wants to run off. This can be a cat or dog he wants to follow or another family leaving. He loves motorcycles and wants to chase them down the street, or an airplane that is flying over that he wants to follow. If he's not running off he's throwing the bark chips on the other kids. Jessica also gets bored at the park quickly but she gravitates to other kids and you have to stay within ear shot of her. She also gets mad and bosses not just her brother but the other kids as well. I almost always leave the park feeling the why did I bother feeling.

The constant fighting with the kids again today. James is hyper as always. Nothing interests him more then picking fights with his sister. Like grabbing her stuft animals she isn't playing with at the moment. I swear he does this just to make her mad. He takes off with anything that belongs to her. She was on the computer and he proceeded to grab the key board and hit the keys. Of course she gets frustrated and screams at him. In turn this just gets him to scream his loud obnoxious scream. Its ear piercing. I try to get him to play with his cars, trains, blow bubbles outside, ride his bike, play a video game, and color. He doesn't want any part of any of that. He just wants to pester his sister.

I take a moment to myself during the calming parts of my day. All this, every day this week and to top it off I haven't gotten to sleep before 1 AM all week. I'm wiped out and want to sleep but for some reason sleep just isn't coming to me. I have so much on my to do list that I am feeling over whelmed with it. James hasn't used the potty for his BM's in weeks. Today he decided that it was OK to pee on the stairs and in the kitchen. Easy to clean up but still time consuming and still have a house that looks like a tornado hit it. I guess it's better that this time he went pee in the house and not out the front door. I am sure that my neighbors have some bad feelings about us. I can grantee they hear the shouting of the kids. Sometimes it sounds like they are killing each other. Laundry today is all the poop clothes from yesterday and today. Jessica rushes and doesn't want to wipe and James doesn't want to use the potty at all. So it's a two hour sanitise load followed by a two hour bleach cycle of white wash clothes I used to clean him up. 4 hrs and two loads. Sometimes I wonder how anything else gets washed around here. The few times James has used to potty to pee has left me 3 bathrooms that need a good scrub down. I would like to spend a day smelling roses and not the smell of poop and pee and bathroom cleaners. An observation of James today. He spilled his bubbles and out of frustration dumped the rest and then threw the bottle across the porch.

Jessica made up a few lies today. Nothing serious just little ones. One was that she didn't sneak bread into the bathroom and eat it. She doesn't need to sneak food. She knows how to help herself and that she can ask for something more to eat. Another was when I couldn't find the key for my door all day. She came out of her room then walked by my door and came downstairs saying she found it on the floor. Another one that a foster daughter we had in our home a few years back, got a real tattoo. It was an airbrush tattoo from the fair. Pics on Facebook. I'm not sure how to handle all these little lies. I call her out on them and tell her it's not OK to lie. I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall.

Just another day

The non-stop fighting of both kids wears me out. I feel so tired today, it's hard to get motivated to get any housework done. I was glad that grandma took my daughter swimming for the afternoon. The constant lies are hard to deal with. I want help for her and am feeling so frustrated that there is such a lack of help for these kids. It's no wonder you hear so much on the news about mentally ill people doing wrong. Resources are few and far between. Her "manic" times are hard to deal with. I fear for her but also fear for her brother who seems to be her target on most of it. The deep depression times are hard as well. I never know what she is going to do next. I saw that sometime last night, maybe while I was making dinner she had cut her bangs. I also found a small cut/scratch on her leg. It's about a half inch long and looks a little bloody. I asked her about it and she doesn't know where it came from. I am still finding all the tweezers and scissors and locking them up. Who knew that I had so many here in our home? It feels like child proofing all over again. I think her eyebrows are starting to grow back in. :) I hope they come back as full and beautiful as they were before. She is such a pretty girl. I just wish she could see it.

A little background info.

I start this blog today with a little back ground information. ADHD is diagnosed but at this point I add Bipolar prematurely. I am married with 2 children. Ages 4 and 9. This last Spring my daughter Jessica age 9 was diagnosed with ADHD. Last winter my very sweet and caring child was coming home from school in fits of rage that lasted hours and hours. At the time I believed that this was a reaction to the State Testing. You see Jessica has always had a hard time sitting still and concentrating on her work in school. She is below grade level and struggles in school. She was also retreating from the classroom to see the school counselor to get out of class. I still believe that this school counselor had lead my child in conversation. You see she kept asking Jessica if anyone was hurting her. If someone ever hurts you come and see her. What I still don't know, because the school has kept me in the dark is why these visits started. The school states that she was having NO behavior issues. So during this testing time Jessica really wanted to see this counselor. So Jessica fabricated a story. She reported to the school that I had abused her. (not true) I was investigated by DHS and the case was ruled unfounded. I started making calls and got her into counseling to find out what was going on with her. At that time they only thought ADHD.

Two weeks ago I had let my daughter go ride her bike with her friends in the neighborhood. The day started out as your normal day with kids playing and having fun. Turned ugly when 2 of the girls decided to go over to another friends house to swim. My child was sent home uninvited. At this time the parents did not involve me and that an incident had occurred. At home it was World War III. Crying, screaming, and kicking her bedroom door and walls when she was sent to her room. It was as if something had taken over her mind and body. At this point she couldn't even tell us what was wrong. The kicking her door and wall, crying and screaming were out of control. Things really never calmed down that day. She went from being mad at her friends, the parents, to being mad at us and her brother. I think she expressed her anger at the world this day. It never really stopped. A week later I find out my daughter had told these 2 girls and a boy. That the father of another neighbor had taped her to a chair and locked her in a closet. (not true) At that time the parents (understandably) had asked for my child to go home. Her parents had decided that they didn't want their child playing with my daughter. I went to one of the girls parents to find out what was going on. I then learned of what my daughter had said. I asked my daughter about it and at first she lied and said she didn't say that. Over the course of a day she finally opened up to me and told me she lied. She didn't know why she did it. She wrote letters to the family's involved. She told them she was sorry she lied and that her lies hurt them and scared them. On one hand I understand the reluctance to allow my child around the other kids but at the same time I know that keeping her home everyday isn't doing her any good either. I have her in counseling and I am doing everything I can for my child. I take the job of increased supervision very serious. Through her counselor I repeat that she has ADHD with a mood disorder possibly Bipolar. I know her story's are harmful. I know she is dangerous to herself IE. pulling her eyelashes out, pulling her hair out, picking at sores, may even be creating sores. I know that her relationship with her brother, age 4, is strained and they get into normal fights and some not normal behavior. I am looking for small groups for her to play with other kids in a more controlled environment. Also support groups for my husband and I. Every day is a challenge for her. I hope that here I can write what we go through. I don't know enough about ADHD or mood disorders. I am learning. I don't see a pattern of the manic-to depression. They are present. She has her manic states IE. lying, yelling, hitting, kicking and threatening to hurt her brother. She has her depression as well. IE sulking for long periods of time, not engaging in play she would normally enjoy. It is during these times I find her also hurting herself. IE. pulling her eye lashes out, pulling her hair out and digging at her legs and feet. When she is in the depression period she is obsessed with food. The following weekend on a Sunday, the kids were in Jessica's room playing. Everything was going well when I heard them yelling at each other I headed up the stairs to find out what was going on. Jessica had James down on the floor and was chocking him. When I came in she let go and he coughed and gasped for air. This was by far the scariest day of my life. I was afraid for my son but also afraid for my daughter who seems to be spiralling out of control.

I am not sure what is going on with James. He has behavior problems that many like to think is my lack of discipline. I discipline both my kids. We use time outs and take away privileges. We also reward good behavior. James just doesn't seem to get it most days. Took him to the Kids Club at the gym and one worker put him in a time out and he wouldn't stay. He proceeded to pretend to shoot her with his finger. This is something I have been trying to work with him on. When he gets mad, tired or frustrated, he gets so mad that shooting people with his imaginary gun is his way of releasing his feelings. You see James at age 4 has delayed speech. He is unable to tell a grown up that he is frustrated or mad. He uses actions instead. I took him to his Well Child Appointment in June and tried to explain what James does. At that time I was firm in the belief that he is not ADHD but I thought he does have some behaviors that are not age related. He is more impulsive then Jessica has ever been. Some of his impulses are deliberate and a way to get extra attention. Some are just opportunities. The Pediatrician proceeded to tell me that I needed to go to parenting classes and that ALL James was doing was normal for his age and that I just needed to learn how to control him. Jessica's counselor that has had James in her office for our sessions sees that something is wrong. She believes he needs to be in some Early Intervention for pre-school. She agrees that his behavior is making life difficult at home. We are prisoners of our home because I can't take this kid out in public most days.

Another thing I should add: The kids have been on OHP for the last year and as of this month it has run out. My husband now makes to much to stay in this program. It's a 45 day wait to get into the Healthy Kids program. So now all appointments are on hold. Her meds are on the last week and I'm still trying to get her prescription re-filled. I am seeking help through DHS to expedite the process due to her condition. I am trying endlessly to get help from the doctor to get help with a 30 day supply of samples. I am also trying to get help through a prescription company that may help with the cost of her meds. At this time I truly feel like a chicken with my head cut off. It's hard to make these simple calls with the kids fighting in the background and never knowing when its going to go from yelling to hell in a matter of minutes.